i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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