Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
