he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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