I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
