She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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