I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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