I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
