she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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