She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
