that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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