I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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