Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize