I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
