At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
