it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
