New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
