You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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