Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
