Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
