I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize