is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
