You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
