nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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