I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
