i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
