I want to have your abortion
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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