What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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