Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
