worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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