i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize