Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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