your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
