I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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