I hate your face
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
