i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
