We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
