The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Alive.
So much puke
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
