is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
