I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
