what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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