she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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