Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
