I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
