You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
