soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize