her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
