Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
