I love black thongs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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