i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize