Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
