you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
