I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
