What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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