Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
