I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
