Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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