Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
