oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize