I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
