You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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