We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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