i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
