no, he came in my armpit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
