I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
