I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
