it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
