I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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