Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
