mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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