I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
