saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
