So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
