The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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