Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
