According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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