Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
