he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
