Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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