I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
