Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
