You really coming over, don't trick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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