I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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