"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
