i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
