i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
