Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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