Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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