And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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