is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
