it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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