I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
