Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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