we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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