I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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