sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
