the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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