it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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