I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Damn victory sex feels great
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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