Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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