Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
