im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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