We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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