The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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