Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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